Prompt 6

 May 6th

So, I guess it's time to share another poem. This one is kind of a cheat because I wrote the original one back in 2017. I decided to update it and add onto it. Just really to revamp it for this project. It was and always will be one of my favorite poems that I ever wrote. The story behind it is actually kind of interesting, well at least to me. I started it as kind of a character exercise for two of my favorite characters in my first book, James and Peter. But over the course of the poem, it turned into much more than that. It was interesting to go back to it after so long. I based Peter in my book Rise on someone in my own life and I didn't realize that so much until I had originally written the poem. So that person and Peter blended into the subject of this poem. 

Now after almost five years, I have come back to it with a different set of eyes. Eyes that have seen so much more than 23-year-old me ever did. It was great to come back to this piece again and get into that headspace but in a different way. I hope you enjoy my attempt at re-envisioning this particular poem in a new light. It's funny that it took me more time to go through it like this than it did to actually write it back then. 

Well, here's a bit of my heart that I have only ever shared with two people before. Hope you enjoy readers. 

Contemplations of the Unsettled Mind- May 2022 edition

I grab my pen yet again to sit here and contemplate  

Your every movement that forces my heart

Into this unchangeable beat. 

Sometimes I wonder what could have happened and 

I'm stuck here CONSTANTLY

Looking at these suspicious pieces of the past 

We never would have believed possible. 

Maybe I'll eventually forget that you ever existed

And maybe you'll keep wishing that you were the one thing that

Kept that gleam in my eye.

Not him.  

If I can forget you, well then, darling what’s saying I’m even

Really here watching you scream across an empty corridor

A castle full of soldiers between us. 

People can watch me permanently situated here and believe

Whatever they want about me and my one tracked focus of mind

That isn't one of my fears anymore. 

Those people don't matter in the slightest, 

When I see that look fill your once, joy-filled face

I have a hard time not wincing. 

So, stand alone in that piece of my mind if you ever existed 

If not just let me go now or I might blow away in the never-ending

Fear of your fly-away mind.

Flight, fear, and the unquenchable need for ending.

I've always loathed your spunk, how you always seemed to know...

Just how to control me.

A hunger for revenge takes over even when I don’t want it to.

When I finally decide to leave will you even remember

The times we spent together or will they all be figments in

My over-analyzation of this relationship?

    Do you even want to remember me? 

Crying never solved anything and neither did believing

In this version of a prince in flight who never really gave

A care or a damn about my heart. 

But my prince, you will burn in those words that you used 

Against my every hope and my every dream

Because I loved you in every moment, 

Until you took it all and crash-landed into a heap at my feet. 

Fly away from me and don’t pretend because it will never

Be the same with either of us anymore. Maybe it never was,

And I'm sure it will never be again. 

I sit down with my pen in hand again, ready for your ego

To come into my mind,

Along with each movement taking my heart...

And crushing it. 

And sometimes I still wonder what could have happened 

(If you loved me too)

And I will never stop looking at our pieces of the past that never really 

Meant anything to you.